PORN AND MASTURBATION MADE ME VERY WEAK AND POOR FINANCIALLY
PORN AND MASTURBATION MADE ME VERY WEAK AND POOR FINANCIALLY (7hubent - Ebock Marn)
There’s a certain silence that follows addiction — not the loud, dramatic kind you see in movies, but the small, private silence that sits between you and your own reflection. It’s the hush that follows the question:
Where did all my energy go?
My time?
My will?
Ebock Marn’s Porn and Masturbation Made Me Poor is not just a story about lust or poverty —.
it’s a raw account of spiritual bankruptcy, and the long, trembling journey of rebuilding the self from the inside out.
Beneath its title lies a universal struggle: the war between comfort and clarity, pleasure and purpose, escape and evolution.
And in that tension, we find the fragile, fierce possibility of change.
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1. The Poverty of Attention
It begins, as Marn describes, not with money but with focus. Each indulgence took a small piece of his attention, scattering it like coins tossed into a bottomless well. Addiction is often mistaken for pleasure — but at its core, it is an erosion of awareness. In his story, the real poverty was not financial; it was the emptiness that came from giving away the currency of his mind. He learned that wealth is not measured by what we own, but by what we can hold within our focus — our dreams, our discipline, our devotion. The lesson is simple, yet searing: the more we divide our attention, the more we divide ourselves.
2. Desire as a Mirror, Not a Master
Marn writes about how desire, when left unchecked, becomes a master that dictates rather than reflects. He began to see that what he thought he wanted — the quick escape, the temporary high — was only a distorted reflection of deeper unmet needs: intimacy, belonging, rest. It’s easy to hate the surface behavior, but he learned to look beneath it, asking, What am I really hungry for? This question marked a turning point — the moment when desire became a mirror showing him what he truly lacked: connection to self. Healing began when he stopped fighting his urges as enemies and began to listen to them as messages.
3. The Discipline of Presence
Every act of addiction steals from the present moment. Marn recalls losing hours, days, and sometimes entire weeks — not because time moved faster, but because he wasn’t there to live it. Reclaiming his life meant learning the discipline of presence. He trained himself to stay — through discomfort, through temptation, through boredom. In staying, he discovered something profound: the present is not just a point in time; it is the birthplace of strength. Every time he resisted the old pull, he was not merely saying “no” — he was saying, I’m here now. I choose to live this moment awake.
4. Shame as a Teacher
Shame was a heavy companion on his journey — silent, suffocating, relentless. But in time, he learned that shame, when faced with honesty, transforms into humility. Marn’s story reminds us that guilt can destroy or it can instruct, depending on how we hold it. He began to see shame not as a punishment, but as proof that his conscience was still alive. To heal, he had to forgive himself daily — not because he was blameless, but because growth required tenderness. Shame became a teacher in disguise, reminding him that self-respect is not built by perfection, but by perseverance.
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5. Energy Is the True Economy
In one powerful reflection, Marn compares his lost years to an economy that slowly collapsed. Every indulgence drained his vitality — his creativity, his motivation, his ambition. He realized that energy is the first form of wealth, and how we spend it determines the quality of our life. When he began redirecting that energy into exercise, learning, and meaningful work, life began to change — not all at once, but gradually, like a dawn stretching across the horizon. The lesson is clear: what you feed grows. Starve distraction, and you will feed destiny.
6. Rebuilding Self-Trust
Perhaps the most devastating effect of addiction is the erosion of trust — not with others, but with oneself. Marn recounts the heartbreak of breaking promises to himself, over and over, until his words carried no weight. Recovery, then, became a quiet process of keeping small promises — waking early, journaling, saying no once more than he said yes. With each kept promise, a piece of integrity returned. And slowly, self-respect followed. He discovered that confidence is not born in grand victories, but in the consistent act of showing up for your own soul.
7. The Redemption of Purpose
By the end of his story, Marn is not a man who claims perfection. He’s a man who’s learned that purpose redeems even the most painful pasts. The same intensity that once enslaved him became the fire that fueled his transformation. He began to teach, write, and speak — not to boast of recovery, but to remind others that the energy we waste in shame can be reclaimed as service. Purpose became the ultimate antidote — not merely an escape from addiction, but a direction for desire. Through purpose, he found peace — not because he was flawless, but because he was finally free.
In the quiet aftermath of his journey, Ebock Marn leaves us with a haunting truth: addiction is not just about what we consume, but what we abandon — our focus, our presence, our possibility.
His book is not a sermon but a mirror, asking us to confront the ways we waste the most sacred currency we have — our attention.
And in doing so, it offers a map back home: to clarity, to discipline, to self-respect.
For in the end, the greatest wealth is not what we own, but the wholeness we restore when we finally stop running from ourselves.
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